The Prodigal One

Ugh! Ouch!!!
How do you treat a prodigal person? Just by ignoring or forgiving? Which type are you: the prodigal one, the loving father, or the unwelcoming brother?
In my case I am the prodigal one. Here is how everything began.
Years ago when I was still too young, too innocent, too weak , too fearful and too hard-headed I entered the nunnery praying I would become the perfect person I wanted myself to be by becoming a full-pledged servant of God. To my dismay I could not run away from my fears. The matter became worse until I decided to quit bringing along with me a depression I learned to live with for so long. Six years after I returned to the congregation believing I still possessed the charisma of serving God's people. To my gratitude I was warmly welcomed. Due to family problems I went home and never to be heard of again. There was no communication between me and the congregation whatsoever. I was busy with my own personal life, sinned ghastly and recovered a bit.
Barely seven years after, I found from a social network one of the congregation sister's account. I sent a message maintaining in my tone the same closeness we used to have. To my dismay and embarrassment, I did not get any response. Was "being ignored" the right term? I don't want to conclude. I just felt the "oucccch, huhuhu...." Oh, life. I knew the sisters were curious about me because many of them viewed my account. Yet, no one said a word of "hi, hello" aside from the two who were not full-pledged.
What is the message of this then? Am I ignored? Am I banned from communicating with them? I could not also blame them whatever their decisions are. I know I also had my shortcomings. I failed their high expectations of me. Perhaps they were so hurt because they were also answerable to the general superior. Perhaps I did something unforgiving or might had crossed over certain regulations of the congregation. Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps.
I only have one thing to advise myself: to go on my chosen way despite the judgment of other people of me. I am a prodigal one because I followed my will, fell, got up, returned to the Loving Father and asked for another chance. This is the good thing with life: I could not just quit. There was once a time that I hoped and willed to quit. But I just could not. I could not help breathing. So I decided to just go on. And now I am happy with my new-found life.
If there is a lesson I love to share with you, it would be: please be open to someone's sincerity with life despite the awful past and the used to be awful attitude. For no strong and loving person would choose to commit mistakes unless that person has not yet grown or learned anything about life.

"I know what's happening in this world-there are liars and cheats,
there's prejudice, violence, greed, sickness-I know what's happening. I'm
not going to let it deter me from living my life, though. Look, I live in this
world, and dammit, I'm going to be cheerful and positive about living in
this world."
Joseph Raymond

Life's Meaning Through My Eyes

Life has meaning. We all know this. What we find difficulty in, is finding this very meaning. Every person strives to look for this meaning. Each tries in his most conceivable way how to find it, but only few are successful in this undertaking.
I have been searching this meaning way back in adolescent stage, but until now I still have not reach the depth of what I have been searching for. My efforts would seem pointless, yet it is in trying that I found the greatest challenge and is keeping me moving on. I do not know where does my search will end. All I know is my search is the very meaning of my life.
A friend once tagged me as lousy, boring and overacting while he browsed my journal, quoted my phrases from there on how to live my life the best way I thought possible. Anything that we're not interested in is boring and lousy. What we forget is the fact that we are different, everyone of us. We are unique in our own way. One thing might be interesting to some while to some it is not.
For awhile I thought that friend of mine was right. But then, would I surrender to his suggestion when what interests him does not interest me? So I went my own way. I continued to be boring rather than doing nothing at all with my life and letting some of the ponderings of my mind pass me by. My life would not be worth living then if I live it according to other's wishes.
Many writers, authors and mentors have unlimited wisdom regarding the meaning of life. Yet, however great their words are, life's meaning still eludes the restless seeker; for life's meaning is not something to look for rather it's something to live for. It is not the achievement. It is the path to achievement. It is not what we do. It is how we do it. The most beautiful thing is, whatever we do if anybody learn from it and is inspired by it, then and only then our life would have its meaning.
It does not also mean that we do not need the wisdom of the gurus. We need them, very, very much need them. For the counsel of the wise is better than following our own fragile understanding. We need guides who had trod the lonely path that we are about to trod; those guides who learned every step of the way. But it does not mean we should lay our life to our chosen guides. We still need to be responsible for ourselves and stand for every decision that we make. And whenever we fail, we fail not for life's plan of failing us, but for life's purpose of teaching us.
We will just have to remember: it is in trying times that we bump into life the biggest, thereby unintentionally finding the worthless from the worthwile. From here slowly our life would reveal its meaning.